If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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