I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Everything about him screamed your future.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
