After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
