She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
