definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
