if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
