Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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