Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
