Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
