i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
