Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
