i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wakey wakey hands off snakey
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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