Please, let me fuck your mom
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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