I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
