New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i think i scared a bird with my dick
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
