I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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