im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
