why didn't you poke me back
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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