i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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