mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
