question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
