Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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