My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
