just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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