you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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