we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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