i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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