my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
