I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
