Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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