Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
