We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
