I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
