What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
