I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
