i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
