So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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