I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
