The brown eye won't let me do that either.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
