Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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