I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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