we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
