he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Houston, we have a blender
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
