Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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