So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
