she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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