Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
