i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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