your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
