He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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