I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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