how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
