so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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