Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
