so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
