he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
