My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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