Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
